No. 242 - He’s Not There

I’ve only visited my brothers gravesite three times. He’s not there.

I’m headed to Jackson Hole in a few days where I’m going to break down. My brother is there.

It’s where I go to be with him. I’ll bawl my eyes out…alone…in the Tetons.

His spirit will swell up inside my chest. Memories of us being little boys will crush me.

I avoid mourning at all costs, until I’m in Wyoming. I’ll scream at God. I don’t know another way.

I saw a photo of him after my mother’s death when he was a little boy. Beautiful blonde hair. Blue eyes. He was mine. I’d protect him with my life. But in the end I couldn’t give my life for his.

A forever melancholy exists in me. I carry it around like an old photo in a wallet.

We were supposed to grow old together. But I’m alone.

*Composed, Edited, and Published at in Park City, Utah