852 Words. 3 Minute Read.

I scuttled through the kitchen, my wool socks lazily skating over the hardwood floors like Snoopy on a frozen lake, until I opened the Frigidaire and saw the one thing that brings me gastronomical joy – eggnog.

1,672 Words. 6 Minute Read.

Once upon a time, in a drab corporate office, I had a boss who was so stupid you could cram his brain up an ant’s ass, and it would bounce around like a BB in a boxcar. I tried like hell to cater to his many shortcomings—lack of humor topping the list—but Pee-wee’s inability to lead was too tall an order.

984 Words. 4 Minute Read.

As I grabbed it off the rack, my fingertips realized it was Saxony tweed. At this point, I began praying: Dear Jesus, I know I’m a heathen with more vice than virtue, but I need a jacket! Before I knew it, I was confessing my sins like Chunk in The Goonies.

507 Words. 2 Minute Read.

The Golden Child is golden head to toe: starting from the top - his scalp is adorned with wavy walnut-colored locks that women fawn over. His cheeks and jawline, which resemble the proportions of a Greco-Roman soldier, have a heavy prickling of coarse facial hair, but he's always clean-shaven on account of habits he picked up as an officer in the Marine Corps.